For Transformation, Inspiration and
LIVING YOUR LIFE AUTHENTICALLY.
A process of Life.
a therapist I specialize in transition and change. It has been my
professional experience, as well as personal that in order to change
a relating pattern, behaviour, or belief system a new one that is
complementary has to be encoded and reinforced. After all this is
how the original pattern was created. However, it usually was created
in a less conscious or aware state than the individual is in the present.
In my work I facilitate, guide, as if on a treasure hunt, (for every
individual is their own treasure), through the cycle of loss and change,
(from Bereavement Counseling). Within this cycle there comes a time
of acceptance, which ushers the process of restructuring, reorganizing,
and re-creation. The key is gently creating a safe, sacred space to
allow for re-creation for the individual. This opening permits the
person to re-create with more alignment to their Authentic Self.
the process of transition and change one goes through what I call
the gray zone or no zone. You are not where you use to be and yet
your are not where you want to be. You are in a kind of limbo- a
state of flux. This is part of the restructuring and re-organizing
phase. It is at this point that healing begins. One needs to know
where one is in the cycle of transition and change. It is in knowing
where one is that self understanding and mastery begins. Once you
align to the cycle you can gain a deeper understanding and move
away from the need to struggle or pushing and pulling.
can work smarter, create easier when you align to your personal cycle.
You begin to learn the signs, signals and messages from your inner
you. You can now read your road map and understand you resistances
as part of the process. Simply another message to you inherent in
the cycle of transition and change.
much understanding... So much self acceptance... So much love...
So much abundance.
are now supported. You are supporting you. And, you can now know what
you really need and want and ask for what you need and want. This
opens wondrous possibilities.
is at this juncture that one can begin to access and create life
structure and mental constructs that enhance life and allow one
to live live more authentically.
is where a guide trained and who has been there before can help. This
is where you can call in the support you need. With assistance you
can create a better road map.
is a journey. One definitely worth embarking on.
is possible to restructure and enhance your life, imbibe it with even
more meaning and purpose. You can learn to read the inner landscape
of your mind to create what is more authentically you reflecting your
inner truth. It is here you can understand your needs, wants and values.
is only in understanding ourselves and making peace with all parts
of ourselves and our life that we can then experience gratitude,
respect and honor what we have and who we are. It is in this mind
state that we can joyously give back- to our self, our family, our
community, and for some of us to our nation and world.
all need to recognize our innate gifts and value. When we are truly
living authentically we know challenges and do not see our self as
challenged. We see our selves whole and complete and in that completeness
we have so much to express and share.
Good For The Little Kid Part Of YOU:
Inner Process using guided imagery, visualization
and meditation techniques.
is very important to have a clear, open, and trusting relationship
with the little kid/inner child part of us. This is the part of us
that is connected most with our feeling nature. Our feeling nature
is our core. "We all are feeling our way through our feeling
experiences" as one of my mentors would always say. We can not
know many times what to do, or what is going to happen until we experience
the situation and commit the experience to our history of memory.
So, we can not pre-structure what we would do or feel. However, we
can be clear enough to respond in the present moment and not react
because of past experience. This takes getting to know ourselves from
the inside out. Knowing where and how we are vulnerable and loving
and accepting that part of us is key. We all need to respect and take
care of the part of us that is vulnerable, not just the part that
we feel is a hero or has "it" all together.
have many parts inside. These parts need and want different things.
It is up to us as healthy individuals to manage these parts and their
needs. They are our needs, whether we are consciously aware or not.
These needs will try to get expression. These parts or aspects can
also be called sub personalities; and they make up the totality of
our personality. Totality meaning whole, the whole part and this implies
wholeness. There are basic sub personalities and parts, and then there
are parts that are as individual as the person. Just think of these
parts or aspects of self as different ways of expressing who you are.
When you have healthy full self expression things run smoothly. Think
of a source of water that becomes clogged or dammed up. You may not
notice the clog for awhile, but at some point the dam will break;
or the clog will cause an over flow in another area.
process is to connect with that part of you that perhaps is not heard
that often. Again, it is easier for all of us to focus on the part
of us that "seems" to be successful or that can plow through
any challenge. However, there is a part of everyone that just wants
to take a rest, play without an agenda, or just be nurtured and taken
care of. This part knows no gender. It is the male and female of us.
Unfortunately, this part of all of us has been disowned and left out.
This part of us is down played and in fact ignored in our main stream
society. This part is rarely, if ever, advertised to. This is the
part many of us want to forget about. This is the part that connects
us to our feeling nature, to our dreams to our humanity. This is the
part that shows us our humanity and how we are all connected. This
part when listened to, heard, acknowledged, accepted and loved opens
us to compassion in a way that allows us to achieve much more than
we once dreamed. However, though this part is such a small part it
holds our key in ways one could only imagines.
Back Projects and attaining a Clear Perception:
Guidelines for releasing emotional charge and
getting to the heart of the matter.
this for 30 days and notice the difference in your life.
is an acquired skill and at best an art form.Our mind usually begins
to wander to interpret through our own life experience, so a bit of
retraining is needed to actively listen and be fully present. When
listening we need to be actively engaged with the person/persons in
front of us. Aware of them with our attention on them, and our intent
to hear. We need to be focused on the subject at hand, and a lot the
time to be fully present, in present time available tohear what is
is our ability to get the words that are being communicated to us
with the emotion and feeling of what the person is trying to convey.
is the act of confirming to the other person that we heard what was
is being able to comprehend, and have empathy for the person and what
they just communicated. In the Native American tradition it is to
"Stand Under" someone. In the act of standing under someone
you are in their space and clearly see and understand how they feel.
You are in their shoes for a length of time, to understand what they
are thinking and feeling. Understanding does not mean agreement.
You can disagree with someone yet understand his or her point of view,
or viewpoint. This is the place from which they are standing and viewing
point of view in life is created by our life experiences: Family,
Peers, School, Education, Society, Culture, Race, Politics, Groups,
Crisis, War, Religion, Beliefs, Poverty, Wealth, Privilege, Responses
from others, Authority figures, Biological, Physiology, Physicality,
Mental and Emotional acuity. These life experiences and influences
create our filters for us. We all have them. The
color how we view the world. Our filters create our interpretation
of the world around us and how we interact and interpret the world's
interaction with us. This type of viewing is a projection.
This is like the projection of llight from a movie projector. Whatever
color of light is projected on the screen alters the image on the
screen. Project a blue light and there will be a blue hue. Project
a red light and there will be a red hue. If two people have two different
color lights their perception will be altered by the color of their
filter. In this way each person1s perception is "right"
per their filter. This does not mean that the perception is accurate
to the present moment. Both parties are being affected by their previous
relate to our world, others and ourself through perception and projection.
Most of the time it is through projection; which is our own past life
experiences. To a certain degree this can not be avoided as we live
in a subjective universe. However, if we tend to relate more from
projection than perception it means are past is unduly affecting us,
and that we are not in present time. When we perceive our world mainly
through our filters time and time again, we tend to have more difficulties
in our interpersonal relationships.
perception is all but impossible. However there is far less projection
in a clear perception. This is a perception from someone who is aware
of the process of projection and who has cleared a lot of emotional
issues, beliefs,insights, and mental constructs so that they are able
to perceive purely what is being enacted and communicated in front
of them 9in the present moment.
are present when there is emotional charge, whether perceived positive
or negative. The emotional charge signals that there is a trigger
in this situation, and that an experience from the past and how we
felt about the experience is affecting the present situation. (A trigger
is a word, look, or situation that links us up to a past experience.
Usually this happens on a subconscious or barely conscious level.)
A trigger springs us unconsiously to a state conditioned response
pattern. This is a response that is subconscious and made
up of unconscious complexes and impulses. This state is our relating
pattern. (This pattern can be altered or changed via innerwork.)
a situation where there is a feeling of numbness, shutting down emotionally/feeling
level, or resistance to what is being communicated a projection is
taking place. Anytime we react with intense emotion or held back emotion
a projection is occurring. The projection is not badS It just is.
However, we as humans tend to like and gravitate toward what we perceive
as "happy"/"positive" projections. and repel and
contest the "sad", "angry"/negative projections.
Perhaps and rightly so we all prefer to experience "positive"
projections. For example the experience of falling in love is preferred
as opposed to the experience of " falling out of love."
As long as we recognize the projection in either situation we retain
our self empowerment and self esteem. We then realize the truth that
we are responsible for naming our experiences and our feelings.
owning our projections we are in a position of self-responsibility
and take back your power. The feelings and mental construct of the
"other", whether a person or a situation having all the
power is insidiously inherent in the projection. "He or she made
me feel this way!" This mental construct and feeling gives all
the responsibility to the "other." The other is seen to
have control over your thoughts and feelings. We may not like what
is being communicated, how we respond is up to us. If some situation
or person is continually not in alignment with our personal perceptions
perhaps there are issues of different values, value system, goals
is experienced in a neutral state.
state is not a high or a low. It can be described as a feeling of
connectedness, yet with the ability to allow your sense of self to
be maintained. One is aware how they are connected, or similar to
the person communicating. In this neutral state one is not merging
with the other, or taking on their feelings, thoughts or emotions.
One is feeling their experience and honoring it. It is in this state
that it is easier to rela what one has just heard or experienced,
and ask: "How can I be there for you?" "How can I help
you." Or, perhaps, "What do you need from me ?" In
this neutral state we are not imposing what we would need, or assuming
what someone else needs. We know to ask; to honor someone1s process
by asking what they need; not what we "think" they need.
This opens up a shared dialogue process. In this process each communication
is seen as a complete cycle having a beginning, middle, and an end.
Or, one could say a conclusion or resolution. And if the dialogue
is opened up again, the process begins a new.
For Taking Back Projections
First recognize and acknowledge that we all project. Projection is
an important part of the process of relating. It begins to extend
us outside of ourselves.
When in a communication dialogue and there your are experiencing an
emotional charge state internally "I take back this projection."
Try to discern what is actually being said, what you are feeling ,
and what you are interpreting . Ask yourself: " How are you feeling?"
The feeling is the primary trigger.
If your feelings, and interpretations are getting in the way of really
listening and hearing perhaps take a break and sort through your inner
reality. You can do this internally, or express what you are interpreting.
You can also ask the person you are communicating with if it is possible
to stop at this point to gather your composure. Try to reach an emotional
flat point (neutral state). A point that is good for both parties.
If this is not possible as emotions have escalated enact the 3 min
rule with the strict agreement to get back to the communication in
3 min, 3 hours, 3 days; whichever is mutually agreed upon. If the
escalation is such that this type of mutual agreement is not possible,
one person must pull back and take a break. This will allow neutrality
and clarity to come back into the dialogue.
If you have taken a break, write or speak into a tape recorder what
your past experiences were and how they are affecting you in the present
situation. Get yourself in a safe place. Begin to relax the body and
mind as much as you can. Calm the body-mind down by doing some 3 count
breathing, slowing the breath down, steadying your breath and focus
within. Close your eyes if this helps. Locate the feeling . Notice
if any part of your body is tense or experiencing discomfort. Ask
yourself," What am I feeling?" Trace back the feeling you
are now feeling in the present to the earliest time you felt this
same feeling in the past. Clearly look at the past situation. Notice
how you felt in the past. Notice how you feel in the present. Give
yourself self –empowering responses that you can now use in
a similar situation. Think about how you would have liked to respond
in the past. If you could change the past how would the situation
have been? Note the trigger.
is the feeling being trigger? What old situation is being triggered?
Check in with yourself to see how the past situation is similar and
different to the present situation. Mentally note some more empowering
responses/choices for you to enact in the present. Feel how you feel
enacting these more empowering responses/choices. Write in your journal
the feeling/emotional trigger and the situation being triggered. Write
down your more empowering responses and choices. This allows you to
more easily integrate your new healthier way of responding.
Share when you feel safe your findings with the person you were communicating
with. Perhaps acknowledge this may be an awkward or tough subject
for awhile, and that you are in a state of learning and understanding.
If you are doing this work for situations that the sufficient level
of trust and safety are not present, or for situations that it is
not appropriate to relate in this manner share your findings with
yourself first, and foremost, and then a therapist . If you have a
friend who you feel is supportive and you trust it can be beneficial
to share your process with this person.
If you are doing this work with someone you trust you can set up further
guidelines and helpful cues for when either one of you is in a state
condition response pattern and being triggered by a projection. Or,
simply state : "I am being triggered, talk it through, or take
a break, regroup, and then come back.
Child/Little Kid Dialogue:
Inner Process using guided imagery, visualization
and meditation techniques.
begin this process go to a place or create a space that feels safe
to you; preferably a place where you won1t be disturbed mid process.
Think about your present circumstances. There could be and issue or
concern you have. Or, you could just be curious. Whatever the reason
you have for connecting with this part of you is perfect, is the right
reason for you.
in your journal or on a piece of paper:
1. Hello. May I talk
2. I am here to get
to know you.
3. I would like to know
more about you.
I am now here for you; whether I was a lot or a little in the past
I am more and more fully here for you.
5. What do you need
from me at this time?
6. How can we be closer?
7. How can I listen
to you better?
When asking this questions internally in your own mind an d in your
own time you may or may not get full answers. Sometimes you won1t
receive anything verbal. Perhaps, just a feeling. Stick with the process
consistently. This is like any good relationship/friendship it takes
time to trust. There may be some trust issues with you and your little
kid/inner child part of you. So, take the time. You are worth it.
you want to get into a comfortable relaxed position. Close your eyes.
Begin focusing on your breath with your eyes closed focused on your
heart-lung area. Allow your breath to slow down. Focus on you and
how you are feeling. You can breath in for a count of 3. Hold for
a count of 3. Breathe out for a count of 3. Do this a few times until
you feel more relaxed and focused on your inner state. Now ask these
questions of yourself. After asking the question focus within and
without censoring note your answers either mentally or by writing
in your journal. (I suggest writing them down) Do this with each question
and take as long as you like. You will know when you are finished
by a feeling of neutrality and completion. You will feel a little
or a lot more settled. Feel free to ask as many questions as you like
and to respond. This is your relationship with this inner aspect of
you. Be respectful and compassionate with the information you receive.
You are building trust and learning about a deeper part of you. This
all takes time. The more you invest, the better the quality of the
relationship and your understanding. Love and accept yourself. This
inner part has so much to share with you. Next Level Process. After
you have developed more rapport, feel more trusting you can begin
to have a real partnership with this aspect of self.
1. What did you need
when you were a child that you did not get?
2. How can you now get
3. How can I (the healthy
adult self ) provide this?
4. What are you fearing
now? (anxiety-afraid ofS)
5. Tell your little
kid/inner child that you are here now- listening, hearing, acknowledging,
and that you understand so much more now
6. Tell her/him that
Love. Safety in her/his environment. Right to be. Right to feel and
express feelings. That all her/his feelings are ok. That she/he needs
to feel ok acknowledging them. That feelings are different than actions.
That one may feel feelings and acknowledge them; yet respond or behave
differently. That it is important to acknowledge and express feellings
to adult self. That you are hear now and listening working/creating
together with his/her needs in consideration. You have the right to
be listened to, heard, acknowledged, and understood. This understanding
comes from someone understanding how you could feel how you feel,
or that you feel a certain way even though they may not understand
it for themselves or agree. You have a right to full self expression,
to create and express yourself. That others may not always agree with
how you are feeling, or what you think, but you are entitled to have
and express your feelings.
many times we are so much more understanding of other people, and
so critical of ourselves. Just look at how far you have come in your
life. Look at what you have over come. Look at the challenges and
how you have made it through.
comfort and safety for your inner child/little kid. Release fear and
anxiety by listening, hearing, acknowledging, understanding and honoring
this part of you.
part is and aspect of you. You have a responsibility to yourself to
understand all parts of yourself- to understand how you feel, and
perhaps why. You may not always agree with yourself, as others may
not agree with you; yet you can understand and have respect/love for
life is waiting for you. You life needs you. What is stopping you
from living the life you really want to? Hurt, pain, and fear. Perhaps.
You can heal these feelings and begin to move through allowing yourself
to create the life you really want to live. The greatest gifts, talents
and abilities come through acknowledging your feelings and using your
feelings for positive self expression. Your life is your canvas what
kind of picture are now going to create? It all starts with you.
yourself a hug and have some fun.
Your life in The Power Zone
power zone is being empowered and managing your life in a balanced
way. With balance as the key you manage and run your life it doesn’t
run you. Running your life has less to do with doing and more with
deciding…. Choice. Your choice for health, wealth, allowing
yourself to live fully and experience fulfillment. Imbalance = distress.
For balanced, healthy life style you need:
time -private time/alone time for you
Time for friends
Work and career
Something new in your life a little variety
Read Michele’s 10 easy steps to ease stress
of illness are stress related; at least start that way. Immune system…
psychoimmunology. The study and research findings of the psyche or
mind on the body and breaking down the health of the body. Endorphines
and serotin --- happy experiences. Even keel--- not high highs and
low lows. If you are expeiencing depression, you can do centering
and visualization processes.
Research has shown that they elevate endorphin levels.
illness can be averted by prevented measures…. Learn to recognize
the small signs. If you are in tune and basically in balance you divert
and or avert most ills.
nutrition, exercise, support besides family, friends, spiritual input
whatever that is to you. Belief in something greater. Take the pressure
off. "Even if that something greater is a part of you that you
need to relax and get clear headed to connect with.
part of you that is always in sync and always wants the best for you.
Stress Reduction is Self- Empowerment. It’s your life. You might
as well live it healthily and successfully. Stress management = stress
reduction Reducing stress and feel self empowered.
centered = Centered on self… not self absorbed
Balance mental- emotional-spiritual-physical-material
BALANCE IS THE KEY
Self Empowerment is: Running your life and not having your life run
you.You are the captain of your own ship; the driver of your own vehicle
on the road of life.
Your vehicle in this sense is your body and mind. It is up to you
how you want to travel. Do you want a vehicle that is poorly maintained
and full of debris? Just as we give our car an oil change, regular
maintenance, wash it, detail it, and keep the inside clean we need
to do this for our mind and body. When we do this we are much more
clear headed, quite literally and able to really enjoy life. You can
create success that enhances your health, not at the expense of your